Saying no is an important form of self-care that can help us honor our limits and our lives. An inability to say no can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and feeling like you don’t have control of your own life.

Yet, saying no can be difficult. We may avoid saying no to avoid conflict, guilt, or discomfort. Or we may avoid saying no to please others, even though our own needs are disregarded.

However, saying no can happen compassionately.

Here are five tips for compassionately saying no to others:

1. Use the No Thank You Sandwich (put “no” in between two “thank yous”).  For example, “Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m not available to do that. Thank you again, I really hope you have a great time!
2. Smile softly, make eye contact, shake your head gently, and say “no.” It matters how you say no. Say it with kindness, respect, and patience.
3. Try transparency. “It’s really difficult for me to say no to this, and it does make me feel guilty. I’m really, sorry but I just can’t do that right now because I feel so overwhelmed.”
4. You don’t have to give a reason or explanation. There’s no need to over-explain yourself. However, you can give a reason if it feels right to. If you do give a reason, be honest. Exaggerating or straying even a little from the truth may cause feelings of guilt.
5. Try to not give a quick “yes.” Instead of saying yes right away, a response like “let me get back to you on that”  buys yourself some time so you can make an informed decision and plan out your response rather than automatically saying yes.

If saying no is difficult for you, you are not alone. This is a practice you can get better at, and saying no is a skill you can learn and develop.
Practice this today, even in small ways.

Remember, saying no to one thing means you’re saying yes to something else.

Ami Kunimura, Ph.D. is the founder of the Self-Care Institute. She holds a Ph.D. in Mind-Body Medicine and is a board-certified music therapist. Ami provides support for individuals and organizations worldwide with burnout prevention, burnout recovery, stress management, and sustainable self-care. Learn more about Ami here.